Young love

  She had her back to me. He planted a kiss on her cheek, a soft peck, while she was talking to another person. His eyes darted across as draw his face away from hers and he caught me looking. I supressed a smile. High-school kids; young love, I thought. How sweet. I remember being 17.
  H came with a tray loaded with our food. As we ate i found I couldn't really keep my eyes off them. The boy's eyes, I thought, was filled with love. Almost oblivious to life's harsh reality. He didn't talk much, just kept his soft gaze on her, occasionally, while eating. Young love, I thought again. She tilted her head a bit, she's Chinese, then i realized the rest at their table were Chinese, so I just simply assumed he's one of those Malay-looking Chinese boys.
  H was somewhat immersed in dinner, and I kept my thoughts occupied with my memories of high-school and love. It is nice, sometimes, to be right beside each other with our thoughts a million miles apart. It is comforting, to allow each other those moments.
  We were halfway through with our food when people at that table started to leave. He got up, waited for her to gather her things and took her hand in his. My heart melted again. I forced my eyes elsewhere for fear of being caught staring- again. When they were finally at the exit, i took a final glace, on the back of his jersey the name read - Haikal. Classic tale of a Malay boy falling in love with a Chinese girl. That, made it so much sweeter. We finished dinner, and I went home smiling. What i saw at dinner that night, made my day.

Dream a little dream..

On days that are very depressing, I sit and stare at the screen, and imagine myself baking in the tiny bakery that i often dream of..

S.

the fucking wedding

I said tak nak, means tak nak la. What's the problem with adults who don't get simple english or malay. Yang konon-konon wedding planner nye taste out. Bunga kaler biru la, nak buat backdrop kaler pink la.. Hallo! Tak cantik ok. Huduh tahu? Huduh.

I'm confused. Siapa yang kawen ni? Siapa yang bayar duit baju ni? Tuan yang bayar, yang nak pakai, have no say. What the hell? Macam ni sponsor la semua kalau nak final say for everything. Takkkk... I have to pay, tapi i have no say. Like fucking shit.

I DID NOT ask for a big wedding, DID NOT ask for one thousand guests, DID NOT ask for a fancy outfit. But funny, I have to pay. And I'm not even given the options to choose what I like.

The issue is not about what I want, because I don't have this picture in my head of a perfect wedding. In fact, I do not even have a wedding in my head. Then all of a sudden comes this elaborate stupid event that I cannot escape. WHAT.THE.HELL. The issue is about what I DO NOT want. I do not want a big freaking reception that i HATE. One that I will HATE for the rest of my life. The black dot in the history of my life.

I am seriously thinking of going M.I.A after the nikah.

That'll be fun. Escape all the craziness.

Maybe hell is even a better place than the wedding.

This IS hell.

Fuck.