i'm sad. i'm frustrated over a lot of things.. i guess that's what you call life. i haven't fogetten the fact that i haven't written my birthday blog yet.. i've been trying to. i haven't had much success. as usual i wanted the birthday blog to mean sth. i wanted it to be sth deep and meaningful. i couldn't get there. so, 2009, no two-five. anyway, life's hard, i know. but it is exhausting to be hit time and again like this. it's just like a bulletproof vest, the tougher you are, the more bullets it takes to take you down. *sigh. i'm fine. i'm just managing the bullets. they kept coming. i refuse to fall. i'm struggling to stand still. and they kept firing. it's just exhausting.. being strong is exhausting.
i wasn't born intelligent. i struggled through my studying years. but the moment i started working i knew i have found my calling. i'm good at my job. i'm very passionate about my work. i impress a lot of people with my capabilities at work. i got tonnes of compliments from people who matters. but it's funny that i feel like i'm losing out when i compare myself to some other people i know who doesn't even bother with big goals or high ambition, somehow they seem to be a step further. i'm left behind. i don't mean to offend but i seriously don't find much to respect in what they do. first of all they don't have anything specific in their mind of what they want to do. so they got a job that is related to their degree. fine. and then they compare themselves n their job with me and mine. oh, come on people. you just go to work everyday doing the same thing with no significance. do you even see yourself moving forward in 5 years? i doubt that. just one thing, they get paid more than i do, that's for sure. they get a head start in life. yes, rezeki Allah taala yg tentukan. i'm not being an ungrateful bitch. i'm just frustrated. that's all..
as tough as life goes, i know i'm blessed with one thing. a wonderful partner to share all these experience with. someone to grow up and to grow old with. someone whose kisses are sweet and whose hugs are warm. someone who always gives comfort regardless of situation. that's my blessing i know not many people have. he has his frustrations in life. i wish i could do sth to help. unfortunately it is out of my power.
sadness comes often lately. at times i cry myself to sleep. *sigh. i don't wanna be here anymore. somebody come take me away from this pit bottom. i'm tired of the darkness. i'm tired of searching in the dark. bring me back my light. take away this emptiness in my heart, please. i can only take so much.
i wasn't born intelligent. i struggled through my studying years. but the moment i started working i knew i have found my calling. i'm good at my job. i'm very passionate about my work. i impress a lot of people with my capabilities at work. i got tonnes of compliments from people who matters. but it's funny that i feel like i'm losing out when i compare myself to some other people i know who doesn't even bother with big goals or high ambition, somehow they seem to be a step further. i'm left behind. i don't mean to offend but i seriously don't find much to respect in what they do. first of all they don't have anything specific in their mind of what they want to do. so they got a job that is related to their degree. fine. and then they compare themselves n their job with me and mine. oh, come on people. you just go to work everyday doing the same thing with no significance. do you even see yourself moving forward in 5 years? i doubt that. just one thing, they get paid more than i do, that's for sure. they get a head start in life. yes, rezeki Allah taala yg tentukan. i'm not being an ungrateful bitch. i'm just frustrated. that's all..
as tough as life goes, i know i'm blessed with one thing. a wonderful partner to share all these experience with. someone to grow up and to grow old with. someone whose kisses are sweet and whose hugs are warm. someone who always gives comfort regardless of situation. that's my blessing i know not many people have. he has his frustrations in life. i wish i could do sth to help. unfortunately it is out of my power.
sadness comes often lately. at times i cry myself to sleep. *sigh. i don't wanna be here anymore. somebody come take me away from this pit bottom. i'm tired of the darkness. i'm tired of searching in the dark. bring me back my light. take away this emptiness in my heart, please. i can only take so much.
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