I just read an article that was shared by a friend on Facebook. The article was titled "Mengapa Lelaki Kahwin Lambat?". I imagine everyone can guess the contents of the article, i.e weddings are costly, there's not enough time to save, wang hantaran, maljis etc. And..the best part, the grand finale, is this statement "...and the pressure is on men...". This article was not written by the person who published it on the website, there was a link to the original writer's blog, in which it was written in a more casual manner as opposed to the more formal way eith the one published on the website. Fine. That was what I assumed the opinion of one person. It was enough to irritate me, but what irks me even more is the comments on the blog. Everyone, I repeat, every single person who dropped one or more comments on that entry talks about how difficult it is being a male nowadays with regard to getting married. I was appalled by what I read. Where have all these people been living? Are they from another era altogether? Why is everyone so focused on what MEN has to go through? What about us ladies? What about US, who spends as much the men in the relationship, who contributes as much with expenses?
This is the 21st century. Women have the same level of education, earns as much, and spends as much. Conduct a survey, I would love to see how many percent of all relationships still have the male as bread-winner, who pays for everything while the female partner just sits and enjoy the luxury. I bet you less than 5%. Of all the married couples I know, not even one of them has the male as sole provider. Everything is shared, family expenses are divided between those two. Same goes to those who are still dating. One would pay for the meal and the other one would pay for the movie tickets. You pay this time, I'll pay next time. No, we don't carry around an account to show whose turn it is but you get the point, it's equal. There is no such thing as men having more pressure or caring more burden than women.
When it comes to getting married, it is still the same case. Who do they think pays for the dress? Who do they think pays the photographer? Who do they think pays for the decorations? An angel from the sky?? Hello. Open your eyes a little wider, your mind a little broader, will you? How shallow can those people be? It is US ladies who pay for those expenses. All those hantaran, expensive watches, perfume sets, big boys toys, DSLR cameras you hardly know how to use, expensive shoes, platinum wedding bands...and the list goes on.. Where do you think they come from? OUR savings, of course! Money that we worked day and night to get. Money we starve ourselves to save. Money from the shopping trips we cut off so that we can save. The wedding favours, those little fancy gifts that the 1000 over guests each receive- No they are not sent by a fairy godmother the day before the reception. WE do the research, WE get the suppliers, we PAY the suppliers. So you see, life is no easier on us girls.
When two people are married, the car installment, house mortgage, childrens' expenses, are all divided between them. There is no such thing as a wife complaining about having to spend on things other than herself. Well, if the guy choose to marry a spoilt brat then that is his problem. You should know before you make that decision to get married how life will be. For the rest of us, we are smart enough to know that our partner can't afford to pay for everything on his own if we were to have a comfortable life. Because we know we want to drive to work so we need two cars, we know we want to live in a comfortable house so mortgage is high, we know we want to eat good food so groceries are costly, and we know we want a considerably good life together so we share the burden.
I overheard my mother having a phone conversation with her former colleague. Apparently everyone is getting their child married so everyone is busy with wedding preparations so everyone is doing wedding talk so everyone is comparing notes. I heard... "...ring ada macam-macam jenis...banyak choice...eh, tak la..yang takde certificate pon cantik..ha'ah nagda-ngada je tu...tak payah diamond yang ada certificate...cantik jugak.. eh, banyak cerita pulak budak tu.." I stopped listening and I went upstairs. Another 5 mins into the conversation I might have ripped the phone from my mother's hand and said, "Aunty, first of all, you have no idea arrangements between your son and his fiancee macam mana. For all you know, she is paying for the ring herself. Kalau tak macam tu pon, aunty penah pikir ke selama ni berapa banyak dah duit that girl habis untuk anak aunty, barang-barang hantaran untuk anak aunty tu siapa yang bayar kalau bukan budak perempuan mengada tu? kasut beratus-ratus, camera harga beribu-ribu, kalau anak aunty mintak toys, gadget ke, ye la memang la mainan, tapi mainan nye beratus kalau tak beribu harganye.." Yes, she is looking out for her son, but did she ever stopped to think about how much that girl has to spend? If she has been working for several years, and she is doing well considering her age, doesn't she deserve what she wants, especially if she herself can afford it? Why should she settle for less? As for the guy, you want to get married, you should be prepared fro what comes with that decision. And you should be man enough not to run to your mother every single instance you face a bump in the road. You're about to be the head of the family for God's sake, learn to stand on your own two feet.
I know what it feels like because I am going through the same thing. I am paying for engagement expenses, engagement dress, engagement hantaran, etc. I am paying for my wedding dress- nikah and reception, my bridesmaid's dress, my parents outfit and my sister's outfit, I am paying for the hantaran, decorations of hantaran, photography, wedding favours, invitation cards, hair & makeup.. You name it, it will all be from my hard-earned savings. The icing on the cake? I have a mother who wants everything fancy but expects us to fork out the money on our own. It's like headache times 50.
So no, we are not living in a wonderland. Girls are facing challenges as tough as the guys are. And we don't come cheap because you don't get a girl who sits at home having foam bath and having her hair done for four hours everyday. We go to work, busts our ass off from dawn to night so that we bring home our half of the bread to feed the family. So please stop talking about how tough life is for men. Remember, wedding receptions are held at both sides, not just the male's. And men are not expected to cover the expenses for both sides. Us girls carry the same amount of responsibility.
We don't live in a mee-mee world. The world is just as tough on us. I feel like slapping the author of the article so that he will wake up from his fantasy. Long gone are days where men are knights in shining armour that saves us from the witch and the dragon, and puts us in a lovely castle. Nowadays, we fight our own battle, slay the dragon and shoot our own deer for dinner.
So sir, the one who published the article, please start talking with your brains, not with your dick and balls. And madam blogger, the one who actually wrote the entry, YOU may expect your partner to cover all the bills, do all the hardwork, but the rest of us don't. maybe you're not intelligent enough for that, but we are. There should be a law against these idiots who write nonsense.
This is the 21st century. Women have the same level of education, earns as much, and spends as much. Conduct a survey, I would love to see how many percent of all relationships still have the male as bread-winner, who pays for everything while the female partner just sits and enjoy the luxury. I bet you less than 5%. Of all the married couples I know, not even one of them has the male as sole provider. Everything is shared, family expenses are divided between those two. Same goes to those who are still dating. One would pay for the meal and the other one would pay for the movie tickets. You pay this time, I'll pay next time. No, we don't carry around an account to show whose turn it is but you get the point, it's equal. There is no such thing as men having more pressure or caring more burden than women.
When it comes to getting married, it is still the same case. Who do they think pays for the dress? Who do they think pays the photographer? Who do they think pays for the decorations? An angel from the sky?? Hello. Open your eyes a little wider, your mind a little broader, will you? How shallow can those people be? It is US ladies who pay for those expenses. All those hantaran, expensive watches, perfume sets, big boys toys, DSLR cameras you hardly know how to use, expensive shoes, platinum wedding bands...and the list goes on.. Where do you think they come from? OUR savings, of course! Money that we worked day and night to get. Money we starve ourselves to save. Money from the shopping trips we cut off so that we can save. The wedding favours, those little fancy gifts that the 1000 over guests each receive- No they are not sent by a fairy godmother the day before the reception. WE do the research, WE get the suppliers, we PAY the suppliers. So you see, life is no easier on us girls.
When two people are married, the car installment, house mortgage, childrens' expenses, are all divided between them. There is no such thing as a wife complaining about having to spend on things other than herself. Well, if the guy choose to marry a spoilt brat then that is his problem. You should know before you make that decision to get married how life will be. For the rest of us, we are smart enough to know that our partner can't afford to pay for everything on his own if we were to have a comfortable life. Because we know we want to drive to work so we need two cars, we know we want to live in a comfortable house so mortgage is high, we know we want to eat good food so groceries are costly, and we know we want a considerably good life together so we share the burden.
I overheard my mother having a phone conversation with her former colleague. Apparently everyone is getting their child married so everyone is busy with wedding preparations so everyone is doing wedding talk so everyone is comparing notes. I heard... "...ring ada macam-macam jenis...banyak choice...eh, tak la..yang takde certificate pon cantik..ha'ah nagda-ngada je tu...tak payah diamond yang ada certificate...cantik jugak.. eh, banyak cerita pulak budak tu.." I stopped listening and I went upstairs. Another 5 mins into the conversation I might have ripped the phone from my mother's hand and said, "Aunty, first of all, you have no idea arrangements between your son and his fiancee macam mana. For all you know, she is paying for the ring herself. Kalau tak macam tu pon, aunty penah pikir ke selama ni berapa banyak dah duit that girl habis untuk anak aunty, barang-barang hantaran untuk anak aunty tu siapa yang bayar kalau bukan budak perempuan mengada tu? kasut beratus-ratus, camera harga beribu-ribu, kalau anak aunty mintak toys, gadget ke, ye la memang la mainan, tapi mainan nye beratus kalau tak beribu harganye.." Yes, she is looking out for her son, but did she ever stopped to think about how much that girl has to spend? If she has been working for several years, and she is doing well considering her age, doesn't she deserve what she wants, especially if she herself can afford it? Why should she settle for less? As for the guy, you want to get married, you should be prepared fro what comes with that decision. And you should be man enough not to run to your mother every single instance you face a bump in the road. You're about to be the head of the family for God's sake, learn to stand on your own two feet.
I know what it feels like because I am going through the same thing. I am paying for engagement expenses, engagement dress, engagement hantaran, etc. I am paying for my wedding dress- nikah and reception, my bridesmaid's dress, my parents outfit and my sister's outfit, I am paying for the hantaran, decorations of hantaran, photography, wedding favours, invitation cards, hair & makeup.. You name it, it will all be from my hard-earned savings. The icing on the cake? I have a mother who wants everything fancy but expects us to fork out the money on our own. It's like headache times 50.
So no, we are not living in a wonderland. Girls are facing challenges as tough as the guys are. And we don't come cheap because you don't get a girl who sits at home having foam bath and having her hair done for four hours everyday. We go to work, busts our ass off from dawn to night so that we bring home our half of the bread to feed the family. So please stop talking about how tough life is for men. Remember, wedding receptions are held at both sides, not just the male's. And men are not expected to cover the expenses for both sides. Us girls carry the same amount of responsibility.
We don't live in a mee-mee world. The world is just as tough on us. I feel like slapping the author of the article so that he will wake up from his fantasy. Long gone are days where men are knights in shining armour that saves us from the witch and the dragon, and puts us in a lovely castle. Nowadays, we fight our own battle, slay the dragon and shoot our own deer for dinner.
So sir, the one who published the article, please start talking with your brains, not with your dick and balls. And madam blogger, the one who actually wrote the entry, YOU may expect your partner to cover all the bills, do all the hardwork, but the rest of us don't. maybe you're not intelligent enough for that, but we are. There should be a law against these idiots who write nonsense.
