Sunday, May 15, 2011

Couple fights

A good friend once told me, he admired the relationship that a friend of his has with his gf. They don't fight at all. They were friends for a long time before starting a romantic relationship, so my friend said that their bond is very strong as a result of the friendship, that's why they don't fight. I know he didn't mean to compare my relationship with my bf to that couple's relationship, but being someone who knows about a few fights that I had with my bf, I can't help feeling like the statement implied their relationship is better than mine. I know I'm being unnecessarily defensive, but the harshest judgments always come from oneself. Many weeks had passed since that conversation took place but it still kept playing in my mind. I know there's always room for improvements in my relationship but i was thinking, it's been 6 years how can I not reach that level yet, as in the ultimate state of being together that you don't even fight at all? I thought our bond is very strong, have I been wrong all these while? This morning, while driving home from work I suddenly got the answer.

All couples fight. Good ones don't fight about petty things, they only fight about major, significant things. Issues that really matters. And those fights, of course, take place behind closed doors.

All couples fight. That's a sign that the relationship is healthy. I'm not saying you must fight, but put two different person with different personalities together, you are bound to have differences. And it is only natural that issues will arise that could eventually lead to a fight.

All couples fight. That's a good sign, it means you're trying. Trying to fix an issue, trying to make it better, trying to make it last... You voice out and talk about it. It's not necessarily those big fights, it could be an argument, anything that would make those two people to talk about what's bothering them and find a way to make things work.

I've been in a relationship that has no fight, where everything seems perfect while it lasted. Needless to say, it didn't last long. When a couple don't fight at all, one party is either too dominant, or basically a doormat trying so hard to please everyone. Or, either one or both, just simply don't care what happens to the relationship. That's not healthy, and no one wants to be in those kind of relationship. Okay maybe some do, not me, that's for sure.

So, to sum things up, every couple fight. That's how things work. Fighting is normal and it's part of being in a relationship, it's in the package. It's when you don't fight at all that you should start worrying.

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