Hmm.. For some reason, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, i feel touched by the way H kept adressing me as "sarah sayang" in his blog..
Anyway, about a week ago, i saw a girl carrying a Coach handbag and also for some reason i have yet to figure out, that sent me into a short depression period. I have always considered myself to be more successful than she is, because i believe i have put in more effort in my work than she did. I know H hates it when i say things like these..but I can't help it sometimes. Yes, I do believe in rezeki. And I don't believe i am intellectually superior than her. I just think my continuous effort and unwavering focus in my career has put me one level above. It is from hard work. Coach is not even my thing. I used to wish for it back when I was still studying, but I grew up and realized my taste in bags is different than what Coach offers. So I'm left dumbfounded, no idea why the sight of her carrying the Coach bag is affecting me in such a way. What kept running through my mind was, she can have what she wants, and I can't. I worked like hell for the past 4 years and I can't afford the bag that I've been wishing for, but she can. I do believe it's not so much of having-a-designer-bag issue. It is more of a I-can't-have-what-I-want-and-she-can kind of thing. Not sure if this makes any sense to anyone else, but, it makes a lot of sense to me. Yeap, I can have whatever I wish for if I ignore my priorities. The designer bag I've been eyeing for more than a year, I have been able to afford it for quite some time. But i have my priorities. I'm getting married very soon, so every single penny that can be saved goes to 'wedding fund'. On top of that H and i just bought a house. Our very own house... So every single penny that can be spared goes to 'house fund'. What's left is not much. It sucks when I look around and see other people spending on anything they feel like. If it's a designer bag they want, it's a designer bag they get. If it is expensive makeup they desire, expensive makeup they get. Yes, true, I am not drowning in credit card debt and for that I am truly thankful. But at the same time this is what my life has been like from the first day I started working. Conditions have improved, but I am still nowhere near that state where I can carelessly spend on anything I like. I literally work day and night, so even though I kept telling myself I'll have a nice house at a considerably young age and that I do not have to worry about credit card bills, the reality is, every time I look around, people are getting what they want and I don't. THAT is depressing like hell.
But there is something I have always silently bragged about..having H. :) I have seen other people's bf/fiance/husband.. Although I feel bad for feeling this way, I can't help smiling in pride with who I have by my side and at times, I even feel sorry for the other girl, because the person sitting next to her is a jerk or a loser. There's this one very sweet and nice girl i know whose fiance insulted my job, right to my face. I do not have to prove myself to him, because I know, and for god's sake everyone who knows our field would know that my job is superior to his, so I let it slip. As for that girl, she has my deepest sympathy.
Name me a guy who remembers history like H does. Name me a guy who reads so diligently like H does. He's like a walking encyclopedia. We once had a conversation about the mechanics of a type of watch, how it uses pressure to determine altitude. I can hardly recall 1 name that I can have that conversation with, other than H. Yes, I'm a geek, I can only survive dating a geek. Can you imagine watching nat geo and having someone by your side who is ready to answer any question you have? It's amazing! Ngeeee...
Mesti la tunang saya bes kan, dah nama pon tunang saya. Muaahahahahaa...
Anyway, about a week ago, i saw a girl carrying a Coach handbag and also for some reason i have yet to figure out, that sent me into a short depression period. I have always considered myself to be more successful than she is, because i believe i have put in more effort in my work than she did. I know H hates it when i say things like these..but I can't help it sometimes. Yes, I do believe in rezeki. And I don't believe i am intellectually superior than her. I just think my continuous effort and unwavering focus in my career has put me one level above. It is from hard work. Coach is not even my thing. I used to wish for it back when I was still studying, but I grew up and realized my taste in bags is different than what Coach offers. So I'm left dumbfounded, no idea why the sight of her carrying the Coach bag is affecting me in such a way. What kept running through my mind was, she can have what she wants, and I can't. I worked like hell for the past 4 years and I can't afford the bag that I've been wishing for, but she can. I do believe it's not so much of having-a-designer-bag issue. It is more of a I-can't-have-what-I-want-and-she-can kind of thing. Not sure if this makes any sense to anyone else, but, it makes a lot of sense to me. Yeap, I can have whatever I wish for if I ignore my priorities. The designer bag I've been eyeing for more than a year, I have been able to afford it for quite some time. But i have my priorities. I'm getting married very soon, so every single penny that can be saved goes to 'wedding fund'. On top of that H and i just bought a house. Our very own house... So every single penny that can be spared goes to 'house fund'. What's left is not much. It sucks when I look around and see other people spending on anything they feel like. If it's a designer bag they want, it's a designer bag they get. If it is expensive makeup they desire, expensive makeup they get. Yes, true, I am not drowning in credit card debt and for that I am truly thankful. But at the same time this is what my life has been like from the first day I started working. Conditions have improved, but I am still nowhere near that state where I can carelessly spend on anything I like. I literally work day and night, so even though I kept telling myself I'll have a nice house at a considerably young age and that I do not have to worry about credit card bills, the reality is, every time I look around, people are getting what they want and I don't. THAT is depressing like hell.
But there is something I have always silently bragged about..having H. :) I have seen other people's bf/fiance/husband.. Although I feel bad for feeling this way, I can't help smiling in pride with who I have by my side and at times, I even feel sorry for the other girl, because the person sitting next to her is a jerk or a loser. There's this one very sweet and nice girl i know whose fiance insulted my job, right to my face. I do not have to prove myself to him, because I know, and for god's sake everyone who knows our field would know that my job is superior to his, so I let it slip. As for that girl, she has my deepest sympathy.
Name me a guy who remembers history like H does. Name me a guy who reads so diligently like H does. He's like a walking encyclopedia. We once had a conversation about the mechanics of a type of watch, how it uses pressure to determine altitude. I can hardly recall 1 name that I can have that conversation with, other than H. Yes, I'm a geek, I can only survive dating a geek. Can you imagine watching nat geo and having someone by your side who is ready to answer any question you have? It's amazing! Ngeeee...
Mesti la tunang saya bes kan, dah nama pon tunang saya. Muaahahahahaa...
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