Friday, September 23, 2011

E.M.O.S.I

I have just finished reading a post on a famous blog, and the blogger was talking about people's perception UiTM graduates and basically other university in Malaysia which are deemed "lower class universities." I do agree with what she said, how well a student do in university is not determined by which university the student attends, but the student's effort and attitude towards learning. Yes, true, correct.

She gave examples of obnoxious people from other universities can be. The part that I found funny is that those people who are so quick to give insults, are not really from that great of a university pon. Ada tutor from UKM cakap budak-budak UNIMAS slow. Come on la, kau kat UKM je, bukan tutor kat Yale pon. I have nothing against UKM graduates, or UPM's or UiTM's or any other local U for that matter. I just never really got over the fact that a lot of people from those places brag of being great. Aku attend my cousin's konvo kat UiTM. Satu sesi punye konvo ntah berapa ratus first class grad. Kat UM nak jumpa satu pon punye seksa. Memang bukan salah student, dah sistem U dia macam tu. Of course la bangga kan. Mak ayah yang attend pon bangga anak dia dpt first class honours. Tapi yang aku takleh digest bila kau grad UiTM dgn fist class, kau atau mak ayah kau kepoh. Kalau sekerat batch dapat, apa yang istimewa nye lagi? My best friend's little sister was a UPM's student. Sama faculty dgn kitorg cuma lain2 U. Dia dulu pernah la frust that adik beradik dia result gempak2. Result dia biasa2 je. Aku tau adik dia pandai. Ni nak sambung Phd kat US dapat scholarship. So most probably kalau dia dekat UM pon dia score jugak. Tapi my best friend penah bagitau, dia tengok exam questions adik dia for programming paper, soalan macam soalan tutorial kitorg je. Yang kitorg ni paper OOB kat lab, kau buat la program ko kat situ 3 jam. Tak boleh run, kau nganga. By the way, adik dia tak brag pon, i have nothing against her, just trying to prove a point. Tapi bila kitorg dah found out the fact that soalan exam dia mcm tu, kitorg pon dah jadi tak heran kalau dgr orang2 U lain result gempak2. Boleh la score kan kalau apa yang keluar kat tutuorial keluar dlm exam. Mungkin UM susah bagi orang yang tak pandai macam aku je la kan. Orang2 bijak takde masalah sgt. Kawan kakak aku dulu lepas grad dr UM sambung belajar and jadi tutor kat UTM. Lecturers kena pay attention, tutors pon kena always available utk student. Cuba kat UM, kau ketuk la pintu lecturer kau. Takkan ada yang jawab nye. Dorg kat dlm taknak bukak, or dorg tak penah ada kat ofis, aku tak pasti. Yang pasti, ko tak paham, ko carik la kawan2 yang boleh tolong. Or in my case, sebab aku tak suka berkawan, pinjam la buku kat libry try to figure out apa yg dia ckp kat class sebab notes mmg x cukup. Itu pon lepas ngam2 je. Nak score kirim salam la. Cukup dgn tak payah repeat paper tu, dah syukur sgt. So tak payah la orang2 U lain nak hina-menghina. Korg semua sama je. Nak tgk boleh survive ke tak ko pegi try UM. Nak tgk budak2 paling hantu, pegi la UM. Perangai memang la setan. Kitorg boleh hisap rokok sesuka hati, boleh pergi clubbing, boleh pakai seksi2. Buat lah apa suka. Tapi cuba dtg study week, senyap sunyi sepi. Sebab kalau kau tak study, kau jgn mimpi la nak pass paper. Memang aku hold a different standard for UM students, because I was one once. Aku punye double standard bukan sebab aku rasa UM grads pandai dari org lain, tapi bagi aku we had it tough. Tengok budak2 yang rajin belajar pon paling2 hebat pointer 3.4-3.5 je. Yang dpt 3.5 tu pon jarang2 jumpa. Yang dapat above that memang exceptional dan susah nak carik. Sebab tu aku tak heran orang lain kecoh dpt pointer hebat2 dari U lain. Kau score belum tentu kau hebat, sebab kalau aku campak kau kat UM, takde siapa boleh guarantee kau akan dpt result yang sama. Tak payah la berlagak hebat kalau kau takat tutor kat UKM kak, kau dpt jadi tutor kat Harvard ke, MIT ke, kau layak hina student U lain. Slow lah apa lah. Macam la kau hebat sgt. Yang tulis kat twitter "tak payah belajar kuat SPM sebab UiTM kan ada" tu, kau dulu grad mana, bang? Princeton? Pftt. Please la.

Tah apasal aku emo harini. PMS kot.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The dress, no cleavage

A conversation between kakak dan adik-adiknye:


Nana : Aku dah jumpa baju utk Sarah. Very beautiful. All covered, sini covered, sini..semua covered (while waving her hand all over my arm and neck area). Ada train.. Cantik..

H : Ala..covered?? No cleavage-cleavage? Hmmph. (bored face)

Nana : La, nak yang cleavage-cleavage ke? (muka confuse)

Me : You memang la suka, yang kena sembelih dgn ibu besok I.

Nana : Haaa! And my mum will sembelih me.

H : Huh. (juih bibir sambil sumbat muruku masuk mulut)


Hahahhaaa... I still remember that conversation to this day, because every time it crosses my mind I would chuckle quietly to myself. :)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

bye bye at&t...

With a heavy heart, I made the decision to go for the new offer.. And now all I kept thinking is, whatever happened to "I'll never join cisco, I won't sacrifice my happiness for money". I do believe my family members assume I went for the money, they don't know at&t counter offered just as much. I know I'll be happy here, I'll be comfortable. That is all alright if this is all I want out of my career, if my job is just a job that pays my bills every month. The problem is I want to go somewhere, and cisco offers an expedited path towards that goal. So if my peace of mind is the price, I just have to pay. It keeps playing on my mind what Ana's mum used to say to me, "Whatever it takes, Sarah." Yes, whatever it takes. I have met a lot of nice people and made good friends here. It makes me sad every time I think about leaving. I used to say it won't be difficult for me to jump, because I don't feel any sense of attachment to the job, not like the previous job I had where I cringe every time my colleagues talk about my projects that were already handed over to them. The projects were my babies, I watch them progress to deployment stage from basically nothing at all. No, it's like like that in at&t, I said. Little that I know I would grow attached to the people instead, and the human connection is so much deeper than my attachments to the projects I used to lead. *sigh.. One never achieve anything great without sacrifice, right? And I cannot let myself settle for mediocre-ness, so sacrifice it is. I'll miss this cozy office, I'll miss the jokes and laughter shared with my friends.. :( But the time has come, and I must move on. One day, all these people that I love so dearly will also make their move. It's only a matter of who goes first, and who later. I will terribly miss at&t. Thank you for making my tenure a wonderful experience. Farewell. :(

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Childhood Series

I was watching E! and the program 50 Cutest Child Stars brought me all the memories of watching Hollywood hit series when I was growing up.. Here are some that I can recall. Drumroll... hehe..

1) Saved by The Bell - Come on!! Who doesn't watch this series back then! Haha.. Every saturday morning, without fail, my sister and I would sit in front of the tv and wait for Saved by The Bell to start drooling over Mark-Paul Gosselaar. Hahhaaa...

2) Sister Sister - the twin sisters Tia and Tamara, remember? :)

3) Home Improvement - I watched this religiously for so many years. The reason I started watching was of course, Johnathan Taylor Thomas- dear heartthrob JTT. Hihihii...

4) Doogie Howser, M.D - Aha, the tv series that inspired kids all over the world to become a doctor. Haha.. Who can forget Neil Patrick Harris as Doogie Howser? ;)

5) Wonder Years - Remember this???!! Fred Savage with his crush on the girl next door. Such a heart warming memory... :)

6) Boy Meets World - Ben Savage. I'm not sure if I ever missed any episode. Disney channel would play the reruns over and over again, I don't ever worry whenever I missed. Cory and Topanga!!! Ngeee..

7) Family Matters - Steve Urkel!! Remember? Hehe.. My favourite Urkel's line "Err..Did I do that...?" hehe..

8) Blossom - This is also one of the series aired every Saturday morning. Blossom's style was so cool back then. Haha.. Floral prints and her hats..

9) Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman - I remember watching this every week, because my mum was a big fan, she never miss an episode, so all of us kinda got stuck on it as well.

10) Roseanne - Hands down, one of the best sitcom ever aired. :D

11) Webster - The cute little black kid, remember? Hehe..

12) Brotherly Love - Ahh.. I used to be a fan of Joey Lawrence and Matthew Lawrence.. I can still hum to the theme song of the series.. Hihih...

13) 7th Heaven - Barry Watson!!! Arrr!!! Huge, huge crush on Barry Watson back then. Haha.. And I remember my sister and I used to wish we had the plate-number bag Jessica Biel had in that series. It was such a hit back then, and expensive as hell. Backpack and sling bags made from metal plates with vehicle plate numbers. So cool. Haha..

14) Full House - Ok, this one doesn't need any explaining. If you don't know Full House, you MUST have spent your childhood in Mars. Hahahaa...

15) Fresh Prince of Bel Air - This one too, on Saturday mornings. Haha.. I can still recall the montage of this series.. Will Smith on skate board if I'm not mistaken. Ngahahaa...




#Nantila kalau rajin I'll get some pictures and put them up. Kalau rajin. Hehe..


Kung Pao Chickennnn!!!

Hah! I cooked dinner today. Ngee.. So satisfying. I'm a real sucker for chinese stir-fries. I made Kung Pao Chicken and fried vege. H loved it. As I was walking to my car this afternoon, I realized my weakness for red bags and shoes, plus my love for chinese cooking, must have come from my chinese blood. Eceh.. Dah generation ke-5 pon nak kecoh ada chinese blood. Sungguh perasan. Haha. Anyway, I'm not the one in the family who's obsessed with being chinese. That, is my little sister.

Memasak adalah seronok.

Sekian.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Guidance

Spent some quality time with H earlier today before I went to work. He managed to shed some light regarding the job offer. No one quite gets how my mind works like he does. It helps, a lot. It made me realize quite a few things actually.. Hati masih jiwa kacau. Haih... I am praying for guidance from up above.. I really do need some guidance right now. Dulu masa dapat offer at&t, buat solat istikharah jugak, tak rasa or dapat 'sign' apa2 pon, but somehow end up accepting the offer and it proved to be the right choice. Hoping for the same result this time.. Haih.. Kenapa la singkat sangat masa untuk fikir.. Tolak waktu period, singkat betul masa nak mintak doa & petunjuk. :( Kelakar betul bila ada colleague from India tanya kat IM, "Any special dua(wish) in today's prayer?" bila baru selesai sembahyang subuh. I answered, "Just one, hoping for guidance in decision making." Terus ingat mintak petunjuk pasal jodoh. Hahahahaaa.. Balik2 kaitkan dgn kawen. Apa, time nak kawen je ke kena buat keputusan? Waktu lain tak payah? Ingat orang Melayu je mentality macam ni, rupanya orang India nun dia India sana pon sama. Hahahaa.. So I made one conclusion- must be an asian thing. Haha.. Orang Melayu pulak pantang sebut solat Istikharah je, cerita pasal kawen. Manusia ni dalam hidup perlu buat keputusan dalam satu instance sahaja ya? Waktu nak kawen. Waktu lain tak perlu fikir atau buat pilihan/keputusan? Hehe.. Dah umur 27 ni macam2 benda/orang pelik dah jumpa. Plus, just for the record, soal jodoh dah tak perlu fikir panjang, dah pilih pon.. :)


Me:-

#Bila susah hati suka cakap dan share, tapi takut orang bosan, balik2 cerita sama, issue yang sama. Jadi, penuh la blog ni with my thoughts that I find too hard to suppress, too uninteresting to force people to listen to.

#Tak faham orang yang dapat job offer, dapat email dari boss, surat resign, semua nak upload gambar kat facebook. Kalau dah accept, boleh la share dengan kawan2, perhaps say goodbye to colleagues. Tapi kalau baru dapat offer, perlu ke sampai upload gambar email dekat fb? I've been trying to digest this, I still fail to. Sungguh tak faham.

#Thankful for having H, selalu ada, sentiasa wise with his thoughts, careful with his words..


Ok la, time to lay out the praying mat. Wish me luck...

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Depresi Beta version

Aha! 3 posts in 1 day. I'm going mental.

Rasa sekarang hari2 perlu jumpa H. Kalau tidak tekanan perasaan akan memuncak.

Perasaan ingin lari sgtlah kuat. Dah berapa lama tak vacation ye... Too long. Patutlah depresi.

Ada rasa sedikit pelik pagi2 kat ofis boleh makan sebab dah sebulan puasa, kat ofis tak makan.

Kalau duit banyak nak terbang pergi Sweden beli Lakerol pastilles banyak2 nak beli semua flavour. Hmm.. Bestnye...

Nak baring2 atas katil pasang a/c baca buku cerita... How I wish...

Dah lama tak masak. Buku masak pon makin berhabuk. Stress reliever. Seronok makan bila masak sendiri, tapi bila ada masa banyak pula benda perlu buat- basuh baju, lipat, vakum rumah, mop lantai. Food boleh beli, lantai berhabuk takde orang nak bersihkan.

Tiba2 teringat Chocomel. Depresi lagi. :(

Haih...

Tak faham what my problem is sebenarnye.. Apa la yang aku nak ni.. Semua tak kena. Bersyukur sikit boleh? Memang boleh tapi merungut feels better kan? I'm only human.


Depresi ver2.0

Jiwaku kacau...

First, from missing H very badly. Spent 1 whole week in Kota Bharu and came back to start working immediately. No time to spend with H. For some reason sekarang dah tak boleh jauh2 lama2. Dulu pegi Holland bulan2 rilek je. Siap nak duduk situ 3 tahun lagi. Skill hidup sorg2 semakin mengurang. Kalau sekarang kena duduk Holland sorg2 lama2.. hmm.. Macam tak berapa cekal je..

Second, from 24/7 driving myself crazy weighing all options between staying at my current job, or moving on to the ridiculously $$$$$ tempting offer. Tapi nanti tak happy dan miserable akan buat H miserable juga di rumah hari2 kena dgr my whining and complaining. Plus tiap2 pagi juga mungkin menyumpah seranah tak suka kerja. Haih...

Third, from being utterly pissed and annoyed with someone but cannot let it out. Only very selected few know my issues. And those few, are getting tired of my rants. *difficult.

Fourth, from being very very exhausted working on shifts.. Night shifts are a real challenge now. I used to really appreciate this routine. No unexpected order from bosses to work on off days, be it weekends or public holidays, no extra work to bring home, no extra worrying the moment I leave the office... But of course, those perks come with a price- missing family events, missing hari raya celebrations, missing family vacations, missing weekends with H.. Now I'm getting tired of this shift routine. I wanna go back to normal working hours... but that means i might have to work extra hours, probably even on some weekends, bring home work..etc.. *sigh...

Fifth, from going over details of the wedding, trying to cut the expenses here and there and realizing I did that months ago that there's not much room to cut anymore. And yet I still go through the budget list over and over again hoping I will miraculously find something or somewhere to cut. Not much luck so far, of course.


Sangat tertekan. Besok H janji lunch sama2. I have to force myself to wake up even though I'm working on night shift tonight. I need that time with H. It will at the very least soothe some of these craziness in my life right now. *sigh...

Once upon a time...

I so extremely miss:

1) Mariastraat in winter

2) Chocomel

3) Special K with Chocomel in the morning

4) MONA puddings

5) my walk to Albert Heijn, grocery shopping in Albert Heijn

6) cheap chocolates in Kruidvat

7) tram rides to town

8) jalan-jalan kat market. nibbling on warm deep-fried fish while shopping for cherries and oranges. toiletries too.

9) gobbling on a whole box of Leonidas chocolate on the sofa while watching tv

10) Having churros while walking along Scheveningen beach. For some reason during 2010's winter the churros stall was closed most of the time, so when we found a churros stall in Nice we practically went crazy. Hari2 pegi beli churros.

11) i may be on the verge of insanity, but i kinda miss dutch commercials.


*sigh... saya amat rindu waktu itu... :(

^^mode jiwa kacau :(


>>>saya mahu pergi Holland sama H satu hari nanti. One day... I hope...